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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?